Supercluster

Minggu, 26 Februari 2012 Pagi itu tepat jam 8 aku beranjak meninggalkan rumah. Cuaca mendung dengan hembusan keras angin dari padang pasir, menyeburkan beribu butir pasir ke wajahku. Aku berbisik sudahlah angin, cukup aku saja yang marah hari ini. Hari masih pagi, sinar matahari yang biasa menyinari diam bersembunyi di balik awan hitam, langit menjadi buram. Sekali lagi aku berbisik kamu juga awan, sudahlah hentikan murammu, cukup aku saja yang bersedih.  Mobil yang membawa kami berhenti di perempatan menanti lampu berubah hijau, angin semakin keras berputar-putar, pasir menari-nari di atas aspal - rupanya kamu sedang bersenang-senang di sana wahai pasir, aku tersenyum getir. Lama terasa menanti lampu tanda berubah hijau, mengapa aku tidak sabar menuju sebuah kehilangan besar. Setiba di tempat tujuan, jantung ku berdetak lebih kencang, anginpun bertambah marah, berdentam menghantam dinding kaca. Aku menoleh kebelakang, satu pembatas jalan terbang terpental. Mengapa semua haru...

Sayang.. Sudah berapa lama kita bersama? Sepuluh minggu, Delapan minggu atau mungkin Enam minggu saja. Cukup sesingkat itu aku merasa jatuh cinta, bahkan sangat cinta. Akupun tidak menyangka sedikit saja waktu yang ku butuhkan untuk bisa menyerahkan hatiku untukmu. Sayang... Sesingkat itupun kamu harus pergi dariku, tidak kah kamu ingin selalu bersama denganku? Aku terlanjur sayang kamu, walau mereka bilang kamu belum sempat ada. Lalu apa ini yang berdenyut di dalam ku, apa ini rasa ngilu di perutku, apa ini pening di kepala ku. Tidak cukupkah tanda bahwa kamu memang ada, bertumbuh di sana bersama detak jantungku. Hari ini aku harus bangun, menerima fakta bahwa kamu memang sudah tidak ada. Walau terus teringat bagaimana aku kehilangan kamu yang sudah berdetak jantungnya di dalam hatiku, teringat percakapan terakhirku denganmu yang belum bernama. Singkat keberadaanmu, tapi selamanya kamu di hatiku. Cinta dan sayang, Bunda

On Friday morning, we went for a breakfast outside. I felt a little bit of cramp in my lower abdomen and my lower back. I didnt think of something serious will happen, as we continue to walk until mid day. When we reach home I found dark blood, I felt something wrong will happen, and worried the rest of the day. Saturday was my appointment with Dr. Wafaa, I told her my concern about the bleeding. She did the scan but the pregnancy stay at 6 weeks. So she did another scan which confirmed that the pregnancy is not growing, even the size of the gestational sack was not round anymore, it was like an empty sack. I continued to bleed even more when I reached home, and found the sack out from my thingy.. Ya Allah, this is it.. I lost the baby. On Sunday I was admitted to the surgery unit and had an evacuation surgery, but I pretty much had everything out. My hubby was there the whole day with me. Eventually all my questions answered, the baby is not for me to keep although on...

The same like my first pregnancy, this one has got another discrepancy too. Based on my LMP am supposed to be 8 weeks pregnant, but my ultrasound scan showed my that I am just 6 weeks pregnant, what most concerning me is that we could not hear the heartbeat yet, the doctor said it is just too early to hear the heartbeat, so we have to wait for another two weeks. I asked the doctor about my "morning sickness absence", she said it might not be a good thing, because the more active the pregnancy the sicker I get. Now that I dont feel anything, I am also a bit concern. Strange that I did not take any blood test on my first check up, isn't that necessary to check about my pregnancy thoroughly? I dont know, maybe I should just wait until next 2 weeks. Lots of thing that I am concern about: aside from no morning sickness aka not active pregnancy, also about my weight.. I am seriously overweight!! Doctor made a point on that one, and said no chance of dieting while I am pre...

My first appointment is set for Saturday afternoon with Dr. Wafaa in Medcare. I am hoping that she is pro-natural birthing as I am quite a traditional person when it comes to the motherhood issue. I probably will ask more about that before I move ahead with her. My preferences are so simple and yet so traditional, just 2 main things actually: Natural Birth and Breastfeeding Initiation right after delivery. I am also concern about my weight and am starting to take a small meal every now and then instead of three big meals a day. I lost 1kg though, yes not much but I think if I keep doing this and control my carb intake I will not gain so much weight later on, better yet to lose weight in the end of pregnancy, which hardly possible. Now I am not really should how far I am this week, so I am really looking forward to visiting Dr. Wafaa. I wish everything is alright. Little info: Weight: 85kg I lost another 1kg, with a slight feeling of full tummy. I need to buy a maternity pants,...

Yesterday hubby won the Semi final of Anchor Challenge , hopefully he wins the final like last year. I was so happy to hear the news and so proud that he actually won the semifinal over the Executive Chef of Shangri-la Dubai. He really into this competition thing, he will go again on April 2012 for FHA2012 Culinary Competition in Singapore, May in South Korea for the final of Global Chef Challenge, if I am not mistaken Australia on September for MLA Black Box Challenge. I can just pray for him, and wish for the best for my dear husband. Although I am going to be so sad when he is away. Good luck chef, my pray for you.. I love you..

Maybe I am one of the lucky women who doesn't feel any pregnancy symptoms which mostly are the sickness. I am just so lucky, the only thing I feel is I am so tired or easy to get tired. I am thinking, maybe I should go to see the doctor soon, maybe next week. Little info: Weight: 86kg I lost 1kg from last week, but still obese.. weeww!!