Chef's Wives
Why I say suffer? Being a chef's wife is not as easy as everyone may think. Some people will say that I am so lucky to have a chef husband, my husband will cook for me all those fancy food he cooks in his kitchen and I will enjoy all the foods they everyone might need to pay for lots of money to have them, well, the bitter truth is NO! Oh, Alright yes, sometimes.
He comes home everyday with an empty stomach and begs for a food. Yes, he expects me to cook him meals!! On his day off he will stay in bed holding a TV remote whole day, he tries to get as much rest as possible. With all the pressure at work, he wants to enjoy his days off at home and enjoy his wife's cooking meals.
To cook for him is just a tinny little thing that I don't really take as something annoying, I actually feel appreciated that he still prefer to eat my food while he can get all that fancy foods in his restaurant. I have a little knowledge in cooking, I still need to google some recipes to cook, but there he is enjoying every bite of my home-cooking food, that is just amazing.
The worst part is when he gets a call from the restaurant demand him to come because they have last minute booking or there will be a private function for the sheikhs, etc. We occasionally cancelled our plans for that, makes me angry every time it happens. Can he even once put me as a priority? But It is just me talking to myself, because it will never happen! He also occasionally says he will be home in an hour and end up arriving 3 hours later left me and his food cold as ice. He will simply say "sorry baby, I got caught up by an email requires me to create a new menu, etc..etc..", I'm like "yeah whatever..!" and bored.
I guess this is really a good idea to transform all my anger over my "misfortune" having a chef husband into writing. I always thought that this is should be a secret that everyone should not know that I am sometimes unhappy with his job.
Above everything that I complained, he is my husband, I am proud of him and will always support him all the way through...
I love you Chef Daniel Edward
Comments
I have been married to a chef for a year in a half and in resume, together for 4 years now. Its been a bitter/sweet ride. We have lived in so many places and everytime I start making friends or getting used to it, we move again...
While he was doing an stage in Paris without getting paid, we had student visas and I wasent aloud to work full time! I ended up taking care of children in order to win some money! We were so poor, we eat bagguette for breadfast,lunch and dinner and lived in an attic! I cried while he was gone, and when he was around I was a strong woman, for a whole year! I wanted to be the strong part, but under my skin, I was burning.
I am a full, first generation Puerto Rican, from Puerto Rico, Not New York! I like to make the point obvious because Puerto Ricans from the island are so happy there that we barely travel and we are close minded about the world. We live in a little happy bubble, were we end up spending the rest of our lives...
I was a hippie free spirit college student when I meet my husband in a soccer field. That was it! We where so close, so good friends and so inseparables! He was a foreign student and I loved his history, stories and wonders!
By that time,I need a part-time job and he got me a gig in the restaurant he worked at... one thing took to the other, we felt in love. Food, Wine, clientes and kisses, those were our conversations. I was happy to be part of this world and thats how our interest in working together and having our own place was born.I was also never alone like other chef wives and girlfriends, I was with him, and change it all! I swallow bad customers and crazy managers in order to sneak in the kitchen and see him! That how in love I was!
After that, we move to Paris.It was a big deal for him and a great success, but for me... It was survival test, a never ending winter, an eternal homesickenss...
I was asked to be married at the end of the 'boot camp' year and I felt it was my 'gold medal' for the hard work and tolerance.
We moved back to America to work for a famous French Chef, He was in the Pastry Lab, I was in the front of the house. Fine Dinning is a "Tango with a cutting glass", you never know when you will get cut! I served to many celebrities and royal families! I made so much money in tips take I forgive myself for crying every day after work! Yes, I cried my eyes out for a year! Every night at 2 am...
Until my husband caught me in tears... He tried to persuade me to do something else, but my answer is not simple , I just dont know how to do anything else! I have no experience on my BA and I so scared not to be part of his dream that I never made a move out side of the "cutting glass tango"... I also could toleatre the fact of not being by his side... the fear of becoming another chef's wive left behind.
I studied a BA in Advertising and Marketing, which I loved and I have a year of French in La Sorbonne.. But without experience any agency will give me the job! Im only 25 and I feel so emptyness while is achiving his goal and dreams... Is definitly not jealousy, but I trapped by time, and "what about me?" , I had dream too, you know!"
Im in that dilema right now... While I move out of fine dinning and working in a small cafe, I see my days passing by... I dont work with my husband anymore as he started working for a 3 Michelin star super famous restaurant... I never get to see him, I will never have the chance to follow him now and I have no idea how to find myself either...No family or friends... Im in a Maze I made for myself...
I cooking ideas, but is complicate to start from 0 , again...
Im part of the club I was avoiding so hard, the Desparate Chef's Wives.
Besos.
Mari
I just saw your post now, and thank you for sharing your story.
Dont feel desperate as yet, you are still young, well, we both are still young :D we still have chances ahead of us. If the agencies wont give you the job you have dreamed about then find somewhere else.
When I was expecting my daughter, I was scared too for no longer in the "industry", I was scared I will be left alone while he was busy with his career. Believe me, it did happen, I was left alone, he no longer shared the stories about whats happening with his daily routine, he sometimes went out with some friends without telling because he was scared that I might not give him permission. It was a nightmare for quite some time.
But, I finally get over with it, I started to find a job, I managed to get the job I always wanted and am on top of it right now. The best thing is I feel EQUAL.
If you read my blog, things are not they way I was hoping for, but I try to be strong and keep moving on.
Take my advice, if you have a dream go for it, if you have to start from scratch by all mean, go for it. It is never too late.
Keep updating, I would love to hear from you.
Cinta,
Nia